So that other game, the halfway good game.

I am admittedly late to the Poke-party. I did not start playing the Pokemon games until Ruby/Sapphire, as I never owned a hand held gaming system before then. I had always known about the products, and I actually watched the cartoon as a younger lad. But yeah, I actually missed the original Pokemon Silver/Gold entries, so these remakes are kind of a fresh experience for me. And last night, I touched briefly how like that cesspool of a game, Final Fantasy XIII, Pokemon is an RPG, but in the loosest of terms. While true RPGs are something like Oblivion (a boring game all told), Pokemon is basically an adventure game with health measured in hit points. But unlike FF13, I know exactly what to expect, and that is a relatively pleasant experience.


The game has essentially stayed the same since the first incarnation of the series, for better or worse. But really I do not go into Pokemon expecting genre shattering concepts and deep, yet nuanced gameplay. I go into it expecting to shove monsters into tiny fucking balls, using them for my gladiatorial amusement. So in this regard, the game delivers perfectly, just as every previous entry had since the red and blue entries on the original Gameboy. I do not get all the tacked on features though, beauty contests and shit, I never had any use for these and that will not change, as the core gameplay is enough to keep me going for hours upon friggin hours, at least that is what Ruby, Fire Red and Pearl have shown me.

However, in Heart Gold (The version I'm playing) I have 6 badges and I am only 25 hours in. What the hell? I have like 114 hours logged into Pearl, and I beat the Elite Four something like 3 times. It seems like Heart Gold/ Soul Silver are much faster leveling experiences, and they made it easier to actually collect the badges. I seriously got 2 badges within 5 minutes of each other, which is...wow, that is fuckin short. However it is still fun, and I enjoy pretty much every minute I spend with the title, as it knows exactly what it is, unlike that kooky schizo-game FF13, and it doesn't try to be anything bizarre, it's just Pokemon, with the obligatory pointless additions they keep tacking onto remakes.

Funniest part of this, I just noticed. With Pokemon I am only 25 hours in. However with FF13 I am 29 god damn hours in. Funny how time can be perceived differently through the lens of actual fucking fun, and not retarded, pseudo-real time gameplay made exclusively for those who hang on Squeenix's every fucking word, salivating like some Pavlovian dog every time a gimmicky/over sized sword is shown on camera, wielded by some stick thin, 15-21 year old androgynous he/she in dire need of a barber, or a pair of scissors to the eye. Now do not get me wrong, for the most part, I love Final Fantasy as a series. But 12's combat always struck me as weird, and 13's is just horrible. But hey, I'm sure at this point, the next game will have you do something totally bonkers, like have you eat fruit before you can access the menu, or make X number of pies before you change fucking party members. Or hell, why not just go all out into a Satan-fueled pact and make a mini-game called Chocobo's Farmville. And make it a requirement that you play this devil-game for at least 6 hours before you're allowed to have access to your first summon.

So yeah, Pokemon simple but good. Final Fantasy 13 blows. Hard. Big hard dicks in Snow's and Lightning's mouth. Pretty sure there is already a story like that out on the internet.